A word to the wise. If you are having any building work done and you have any workers with names that include vowels, sack them on the spot.

They are not nearly Polish enough. Consonants, that's what we want. Someone with a name full of consonants like Strfwch Whsknjtch will be a master craftsmen.

You see, when Polish Pete turns up - well we have to call him that because Strfwch is frankly unpronounceable - he will be spot on time; he will take his shoes off at the door; he will be polite; he will refuse your offer of tea or coffee and only accept after considerable pressure and then it will be a cup of coffee; he will work brilliantly and ceaselessly and uncomplainingly until the job is finished; he will then clean up meticulously; he will hand his empty coffee cup back and thank you again and he will depart quietly.

And you will have fallen in love with him. You will want your daughter to marry him and most of all you will want him to come back and do the one thousand and one things that you need done but dare not ask a British workman to sneer at.

Vowels, Pah ! Consonants are king ! Up the Poles ! ... perhaps not.

And they speak better English than the locals to boot.

Duncan