I had sailed to Yarmouth, the tides dictating the direction. The wind had been good. I had ‘heaved to’ on port for lunch about a mile from a Customs cutter and Dorothy Lee had remained reasonably stationary, fore reaching at about 0.5 to 1 knot which with the tide now against us meant that we were heading back to Swanwick at about 1 to 1.5 knots. After lunch I released the backed headsail and resumed our course. Nearing Yarmouth I thought better of overnighting there. I would be pinned onto the pontoon and would naturally have to face the diffidence that is the Yarmouth welcome and so I went about and headed back to Swanwick which would now be 3 to 4 hours away. At which point a rib with 6 heavily head-geared men roared past. They weren’t RNLI but they looked very official. Officious they turned out to be for they were from the Customs cutter. They came up to my boat in a very threatening manner. They gestured something to me which I failed to understand. Did they want me to stop ? I was sailing, what would they like ? I could have heaved to, as it was I carried on and their helm simply drove his rib into me, nurfing me on the quarter. It was a shabby rib with the black adhesive lettering for HM Customs, flapping and falling off the sponsoons. I was concerned that it would make nasty black marks down my topsides which would need polishing out. As a boat it was a disgrace but then I suppose they are not seamen just tax collectors. Their helm smirked a lot. A man in the bows attempted to speak to me. It was reasonably windy and the noise of their outboard didn’t help. I had to ask him to repeat each question. He was actually reasonably polite considering he was asking impertinent questions. Perhaps he was polite because he knew he was asking inpertinent questions. Still I don’t suppose you catch criminals unless you ask a few questions. I was tempted to suggest that for the amount of tax I have paid they could at least afford a rather smarter rib but naturally I only thought of that after they had left and as a law abiding citizen I answered their questions honestly. “Where had I come from...where was I going ?” Back there, actually. “Was this my yacht ?” Yes this is my boat. “How long have you owned it ?” Actually if I had been a criminal I would have told them to “Sod Off !” and they would have Sodded Off. Still the man who asked the questions did his best in the circumstances and I have never gone out of my way to be rude, especially as a chap and his workmates was out on this very cold day going about his business. Actually he had an excuse, he was being paid, what was my excuse ? The helsman continued to smirk. It was only when I turned back to the business of sailing my boat that I noticed that he had pushed me well off the wind and well off course. He is the sort of bastard who enjoys his job intimidating people, unlike the man in the bows of the rib who was considerate. If I had any drugs on board I would have injected, sniffed, smoked the lot there and then.

D